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THE ONION
Anna Nicole Smith Finally Reaches Target Weight
Edwards Discourages Sympathy Vote

ABC NEWS
Eddie Griffin OK After Ferrari Wreck
Yahoo Seeks Content for Mobile Service
Clinton: Firings a Bush Admin Power Grab
U.S. Can't Account for 600,000 Fugitives
Exclusive: Hillary Clinton Answers Your E-Mails
Husband Arrested, Judd Files for Divorce
Man Says Sex Change Should End Alimony
Burger King Pledges Cage-Free Chickens, Pigs
Iran Says It Will Release Female Sailor
Britain Presses Iran; Woman May Be Freed

USA TODAY
Video of British sailors, letter allegedly from female captive surface
Body washes ashore as about 100 migrants sail to Florida
No sugar-coating this: Kids besieged by food ads
Sudan to Arabs: U.N. aid, not force, OK in Darfur
Democrats will be blamed for delays in funds for troops, Bush says

GOOGLE
Japanese net suicide pact murderer to hang - Register
Oil Rises a Seventh Day, Climbs Near $65 on UK-Iran Standoff - Bloomberg
Arab leaders relaunch peace summit - Irish Examiner
Yahoo! offers unlimited storage - Siliconrepublic.com
Daniel Smith Inquest Delayed - Playfuls.com
Outside View: The Iran crisis deepens - Monsters and Critics.com
Female British Sailor Says She Knew Risks of Navy Life - New York Sun
Kerry targets ambassadorial bid of Swift Boat benefactor - Boston Globe
Arab leaders relaunch peace summit - Irish Examiner

CNN
Iranian TV shows sailors safe, well
City bans plastic grocery bags
Writers lose 'Da Vinci Code' fight
Bush hits Democrats on Iraq deadline
Oil, economy could stain stocks
The biggest Web site you've never heard of
Study: TV ads put kids at higher obesity risk
Is BitTorrent the next big IPO?
Stocks trim Bernanke-fueled losses
Burger King vows to use cage-free food
Olmert, Abbas agree to biweekly talks
U.S. commander: No civil war in Iraq
White House spokesman's cancer returns
Will changing jobs lead to more pay?
Senator's aide denies gun charge
Envoys: Up to 600 killed in Congo fighting
Country star dumps husband after child sex bust
Iraq pullout deadline survives Senate
Child hostages freed in Manila
Man surrenders, hostage kids freed in Philippines
Israeli police remove settlers from West Bank

MSNBC
Students held hostage in Philippines

MARKET WATCH
GM, Beazer Homes, New Century, Citi, crude in focus
Don't expect another Bernanke-inspired breakout
Wal-Mart may shelve New York City plans
Treasurys post tepid gains as Bernanke speaks
Bernanke expects moderate growth, slower inflation
Dow Jones eliminates Venezuela from its indexes
Rate of Israelis in poverty falls, but remains near 1 in 4
American Airlines speeds up its fleet renewal plan
European shares trade weaker as oil's price surges

THE STREET
Google, Yahoo! Heat Up Mobile Melee
Iran Tension Props Up Gold
YouTube Not Feeling the Heat
Abercrombie & Fitch to Join S&P 500

FOOL.COM
The Two Deadly Sins of Investing
One World's Trash Is Covanta's Treasure

WE SMIRCH
Britney in church gun threat drama (Metro.co.uk)
LOHAN'S NEW WARNING TO DAD (New York Post)
Where Is the Bud? Black Eyed Pea Popped for DUI (TMZ.com)
James Blunt & Petra Nemcova: Goodbye My Lover? (Access Hollywood)
Reach for the heavens... Brit's church guard pulls gun on a photographer (Daily Mail)

THE SUPERFICIAL
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen to get plastic surgery

POP SUGAR
Courteney and Jennifer K-I-S-S-I-N-G

INTO GOSSIP
Kirsten Dunst is Now Living With Boyfriend in London
Brangelina's Easter Caribbean Wedding!
The Simple Life Goes To Camp Promo Pictures

GAWKER
Are East Village Hookah Bars The New Fronts? Is This Some Sort Of Pyramid Scheme?
Is This Man the Savior of East Village Nightlife?

DEFAMER
Sanjaya Slaughters No Doubt Song, But Decides To Spare Gwen Stefani's Life